Memories of homelessness

A Day at Transitional Housing, with Psychos for Neighbors

A time for healing

Photo by Ryan Conrow from Pexels

After months of no privacy, trying to sleep in a cavernous room with bunks inches from mine. After having to find a place to go before sun-up when the security goons threw us out into the street.

It was an upgrade

I thought I was in paradise four months later. The caseworkers found me a room at a transitional housing apartment. It was a small room with no running water, and having food or cooking in the room was not allowed.

The bed was a thin rubber mattress. It was on a wooden box. There was a small desk with the most uncomfortable plastic chair created. I was in paradise.

The neighbors were a trip

It was often hard to sleep at night. The guy living above me would wake up around the time I went to bed. He would turn on his TV as loud as possible.

I was the only man in the building who could close a door without slamming it. The restroom and showers were down the hall. The guy two-doors down from me had Parkinson’s Disease. His tremors and shakes were so bad. You couldn’t walk too close to him because he might hit you.

He had a reason for peeing all over the restroom floor, but the other guys were drunk or stoned.

Maybe it was a good thing the volume was too high

The guy right next door on one side loved to watch porn with the volume at full blast. One guy that lived down the hall would have heated arguments.

He would yell in his room for hours

I at first thought he had Internet access, and he was arguing with someone online. He was arguing with himself. There was no smoking allowed in the building. The smokers would be up and down all night. Slamming their doors as they headed downstairs to go outside to smoke.

Minneapolis is a neat city to walk around and explore

I would spend my days napping or writing in my room. If I was going stir-crazy, I would walk the skyways, or head to the library, or take the light rail to The Mall of America.

The shelter had a park for the residents. I spent the summer days in the park. I would drink with my neighbors and watch the pretty office workers as they walked by.

I would watch and listen to my neighbors. I discovered that no matter how bad my situation was, I was in a lot better shape than a lot of other people.

We talked for two years before we met in person

I had met a woman online. We had a plan to get me out of Minnesota and to get me to South Carolina to be with her. We talked all the time on the phone and online.

I had State Medical Insurance, Which was a good thing because I had some physical and mental health issues. The Hospital and Allergy Clinic was a short walk away.

I was coming back to myself

I had lost all my confidence and self-worth. The two years I spent at transitional housing did a lot to get me back to the man I was before I became homeless.

That time in my life will stick with me forever. I have regained the confidence I lost, but I still live in fear of becoming homeless again. I’m glad that God brought a good woman into my life.

I learned the hard way that I can’t do it alone. I’m so happy I have a wife with a good head for managing money. I listen to her because I never want to be homeless again.

Final Thought:

When things seem bad, hang in there and keep going forward. If you keep the faith and hope alive you will get through the dark times. Having someone who cares helps a lot as well.

Advice for the fat Dyslexic kid

The one thing that I figured out in my late fifties is that youth is wasted on the young. If I knew then what I know now I would have been a much happier teen-ager; for example, I would have looked in the mirror at my zit covered face and instead of letting my self-esteem go all to hell, I would tell myself how good looking I would be as an adult. As for my weight, I would tell myself, So what if the pretty girls ignored me or made fun of me, I would just date the fat and ugly ones, they were probably nicer anyway.

The main things that I would tell that thin or fat Dyslexic kid is to believe in yourself at all cost, and find your passion and work your ass off to get it, you are going to have to work harder than everyone else, so you might as well work hard toward your dream.

And finally, never believe the negative bullshit you will get from friends and family, you’re not stupid, you’re not slow and if you work at it the weight will come off.

Going back to church

I was raised in the Southern Baptist church, and I hated it. I don’t know who I was rebelling against, My parents, or God? I attended church until my mom died then I quit going. Time went on and I forgot why I quit going in the first place. One day I was alone in my trailer and I prayed the first prayer that I had prayed in years. ” God, if you want me to go back to church, send me a Christian woman to marry”.

Two years later, I’m in a homeless shelter in a long distance relationship with a Christian woman, a woman that happens to be African-American. I kept my word, I started going to her church, soon to be our church when I moved to South Carolina to be with her. We were married in that church.

I love the church and everyone in it. I was accepted immediately without a reservation. Every Sunday I learn something new. And the music is awesome. I couldn’t be happier, and I’m sure that if my mom were alive, that she would be pleased.

Now it makes sense

When I was in Minneapolis I was referred by my Psychotherapist to have Neuro-psychological testing. The testing was supposed to last all day, but it was cut short because I got too stressed out. When I went to my Psychotherapist to get the results I didn’t know what to think.

In one way it was a relief, I now had a reason for some, not all of my failures in life. The report stated that My brain was underdeveloped in some areas but in other areas it was highly developed.

I had a problem with some of the findings though. It was suggested that I be placed in a group home or some other controlled environment because it was doubtful that I could take care of myself. I didn’t want to accept this, but maybe it was true. I sure as Hell didn’t handle things after my uncle/ roommate died.

I do know that I struggle with things that other adults seem to handle with ease, I refuse to quit though. I will continue to dream and write and live my life as best as I can. I will never give up.

On Disability and it sucks

Before we got married my wife encouraged me to apply for Disability, I was reticent about doing that, I always was a worker from a family that valued hard work. I finally applied for it and months later it was awarded to me.

And it sucks. I know I’m really not mentally able to work without my patient wife’s help I wouldn’t be functioning at all. I know this to be true but, I can’t stand it. I never have the money I need to do what I want to do, and I hate being dependent on anyone.

Signing on the corner

In my old life, I worked as a Security Guard, and I worked several posts where it was my main job to run Homeless people off the property. After awhile of dealing with these people I quit seeing them as people. They were just booze and drug-addicted problems that I had to repeatedly run off whatever Site I was working. I had no Empathy for these folks at all until I became homeless myself.

The next time that you turn your nose up and ignore that scruffy looking Homeless man or woman signing just remember that they most likely couldn’t keep a job if they found one and that they are probably barely functional, and they are not all Drug or alcohol abusers, I wasn’t. Homelessness can happen to anyone, just think about that before you ignore them and walk away.

Growth and pain

I lived with my parents the first part of my Adult life, I tried to get out on my own when I was nineteen and failed miserably. I didn’t get out on my own until my father died when I was in my late forties. It’s not that I didn’t try; but, having trouble learning skills and jobs due to my learning disability and other issues kept me in my parent’s house.

I was 46 years old when my father died, other then car and Insurance payments and credit card payments, I never had any real financial responsibilties at all. When my father died I had to pay the Mortgage and the bills for the house and immediately asfter his death I had to handle family and Estate issues. Ther was a lot I had to learn and do; but, as the months went on I gained more confidence and eventually I moved into a more affordable place and handled my life like an adult.

My uncle and I lived in the trailer for a number of years, then I had a stroke and lost my job. while I was recovering from the stroke my uncle passed away suddenly. I hung on for almost a year without his help with the Lot Rent before I was evicted.

Long story short: I ended up Homeless in Minnesota where I started talking to Olivia

online at the Library. We have been married almost two years now. I now attend church, something I thought I would never do again, I never would have met her if I hadn’t been lonely and depressed in Minnesota.

If anyone is reading this and going through something, all I can tell you is never give up, keep on truckin and never lose hope. You will get to the other side.

grateful for small things

I am staying at a Homeless Shelter in Minnesota. I have a light Jacket, and that is it. Last night a Woman came to the Shelter, giving away Knitted scarves and caps. I now have covering for my neck and ears, you won’t believe how these two simple things have improved my outlook. All I need now is an army Surplus Parka, then maybe I will survive this winter.

Life in a Homeless Shelter

as a result of circumstances and bad Decisions, I have been living at a Salvation Army Shelter in Minnesota, since Halloween.  It has been interesting to say the least.

The first thing I learned, and this is hard for me, is to not look at anyone, I was staring into space one evening, my mind a million miles away, when this Guy exploded, accusing me of staring at Him, I wasn’t staring or looking at anyone. I am by nature a curious Person, in a Homeless Shelter, being Curious will get you hurt or killed. I have learned to avoid eye contact, I keep my head down, I try my best to be invisible. I have also learned how to sleep in a Barracks like environment, the Bunks are close together, there is no escaping the Farts, body orders and bad dreams of the other Men sleeping near me.

The only positive I have found, I am getting all sorts of material for my Novel, I just hope I live long enough to get the book Finished.

An Update

The Stroke was months ago. I am driving and working again. I am only working part-time, this is not due to any effects of the stroke, it is due too no  hours available.  My uncle, A man who had my back for twenty years, passed away while I was recovering. I lost my job, found another  one. Hopefully, A full-time opening will turn up. About two months ago, I was driving home from work, I must have dozed off, I ran a stop sign, without realizing it, I was t-boned, my Jeep was wrapped around a light pole, light pole went through a window of a Business. I spent the night in the Hospital because the Paramedics thought I was having a Heart attack. I was not having a Heart attack. My Novel was going well, until I was struck by incurable writer’s Block. Somehow, I am hanging in there, me and my cats, I do get tired of the struggle though. Being an Adult can be fun and rewarding, but most of the time it sucks.